To live well, we first have to recognize the negative and then focus on the positive. By knowing your negative influences and actively working on getting rid of them, you can improve your daily life immensely.
1. Need for perfection
There’s no such thing as perfect. Focus on what you can do very well, instead of making every little detail match your imagination.
We have limited amount time, so it’s best to use that time well.
2. Negative relationships
Especially people who don’t believe that you can do something or bring down your ideas. Unfortunately my own mother is like this – I don’t want to get rid of her, so I just got rid of my need to talk to her about such things.
Change is always scary, even though the payoff may be bigger. Don’t hang out with people who bring you down instead of lifting you up.
3. Excessive use of entertainment
The idea of it sounds fun: to just entertain yourself with movies, games and series until the end of your life.
Too bad it doesn’t work like that. Excessive use of anything will get boring and all the use of entertainment will bring your momentum down. After you lose momentum, starting to be productive again will be hard.
4. Obsession over material
Are you working hard just so you can buy a luxus car with your hard-earned savings? Do you think it will make you happy?
5. The idea of deserving something
You don’t deserve shit. Hard work isn’t always going to pay off in form of rewards.
Don’t take anything for granted and be happy with what you get.
6. Idea that life is complicated
Life is complicated only because we think it is.
Complaining represents the negative mindset that implies that the universe is wrong and we are right. Universe doesn’t care about your complaining.
Just stop it. Catch yourself having thoughts that lead to complaining, stay with them and let them go.
8. Caring too much
Caring about other people and things is inherently a good thing, but it’s possible overdo it.
When your own wellbeingness is threatened by caring about all the little things, change your focus back to yourself.
9. Trying to impress people
Trying to prove yourself to other people can seem rather innocent, but it speaks about bigger internal issues.
Way too often it’s related to seeing yourself beneath other people. Start doing what you truly care of, not what you think other people will like.
10. Living in the past
Everyone has something in their past that they are not proud of. When you become victim of your own past, that is a hellish place to be.
Lately I’ve been rearranging the perspective how I look at the past: I’m happy for all the mistakes that I’ve done. They’ve been valuable lessons from which I couldn’t learn from in the past.
The best way is always to come back to present.
11. Not looking forward
There can be both too much and too little of looking forward to the future.
Too much looking forward means that you rely on the future making you happy. Life doesn’t work that way, son.
Not looking forward can mean – depending on your state of being – that you’ve given up on all the better that the tomorrow can offer.
Look forward to the future, but don’t rely on it.
12. Thinking that everything should be easy
This is a big one, especially for me. I experienced a huge shift in life when I realized that all the challenges are huge part of living a happy life.
Challenges don’t necessarily mean that you should go climb mount Everest (tho if you want you definitely should), but all the small things in our daily lives. When I began to view my slight anxiety about many things as a challenge and a chance to grow, miraculous things started to happen.
13. Succumb to your short-term desires
When I started training my self-discipline, I realized how many small desires I had that I was “victim of”.
The problem isn’t that they’ll be harmful to you, like eating a small snack once in a while, but if you are acting against what you had decided earlier, it will make your resolutions obsolete.
This is a lot bigger problem than it sounds.
When you give in to your past habits, it will have a ripple-effect to all the other areas of your life.
14. Giving up when things feel hard
When things feel the hard, that’s the moment where the losers quit and winners keep going.
15. Letting someone else think for you
Whether it’s your parents, you community or even the government: make you own conclusions.
People have enough on their own plate already. They are only going to give you half-assed solutions for your life.
16. Being too selfish
It means that you don’t want to give out to the world anything – not because you don’t have anything to give but because you feel that the world doesn’t deserve it.
17. Waiting for something to happen
Are you being reactive or proactive? Do you react to everything that happens to you in life or do you go and make things happen?
Always be proactive.
18. Thinking you can feel happy all the time
Life is full of cycles, because we are simply built that way. Sometimes it’s purely chemical, sometimes it’s something we are doing wrong.
People who consider their lives ‘happy’ know this: they don’t judge their happiness on daily fluctuations. It’s the entirety that counts.
19. Taking bullshit from others and yourself
It’s easy to recognize bullshit from other people, but it’s harder to recognize it from yourself. Start being more self-aware of all the bullshit that is going on in your own head.
Do you rationalize every bad habit that you have? Yup, that’s definitely bullshit.
20. Absence of fun
Fun doesn’t always just “come” to your life – bring it out to the world from within.
21. Settling for the normal
World goes forward just because there are people who challenge the normal. Normal is the manifestation of boring and stagnant.
22. Not treating people with respect and kindness
Bible said it first: give and it will be given to you.
But stay away from total dickheads. Treat them with certain amount of respect, but if talking doesn’t help your dynamics, just let them be.
23. Not forgiving
Pointless grudge was something that practically ruined my life for several years. The worst part was that I knew it was stupid – I just couldn’t help myself.
First, forgive yourself, then forgive everyone else.
24. Excessive comfort
Comfort every now and then is great, but anything in excess will make you feel bored and “not engaged”.
When you feel you are getting comfortable for extended periods of time, find something new and exciting to do.
Break the pattern of your daily life when needed.
25. Refusing to try because of fear of failure
Not trying will lead to 100% failure rate.
26. Not learning the lessons
It’s great to have self-confidence, but it’s bad to be ignorant. Be smart when the fault was in you and learn your lesson.
27. Being outcome dependant
Our whole lives until we get out of school consists of getting outcome for things that we do. You have to learn to do things that you enjoy without relying on the outcome.
Trust the process.
28. Politics and news
Our brains are still tuned in to the frequency from the past where we answer to negative things more strongly than positive things. In the past negative events were possibly life-threatening, which prioritized momentarily over positive events.
This is the only reason why negative-hyping media companies can be alive. Politics is just bullshit and waste of time.
29. Trying to be in control of outer circumstances
We can only control our actions, not the results of our actions. There are tons of shit happening around the world and you can’t help it. Focus on your own wellbeingness and after that focus on other people.
30. Worrying about self-made problems
The realization that all my problems were self-made in my mind made a huge difference in my life. Of course there was a transitional phase where I had to get out of the negative thought-patterns, but it was all possible because I realized them for what they were.
31. Trying to avoid sadness
Don’t hit yourself too hard with this: it’s natural to want to avoid sadness. There’s a good reason why suppressed feelings tend to cause problems on the long-term: they don’t want to disappear until you acknowledge them and feel them fully.
If you feel sad, be sad as fully as you can. That’s the real shortcut.
32. Giving your responsibility to others
For example, emotional wellbeingness and important decisions are both for you to create. Take responsibility for your own life completely – no one can make it better unless you do.
33. Thinking you can’t do it
What someone has done, you can do too.
34. Being closed-minded and having false beliefs
Being closed-minded means that you think your beliefs are the absolute truth. The best indicator for this is that you get strong emotional reaction about what someone else says, because your own beliefs are threatened.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Just because you feel right doesn’t mean you are right.
35. Caring about other peoples opinions
Be thankful for positive things you get and forget all the negative. Everyone has their own mixture of opinions and some people feel the need to put it out there. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, but with their own image of you.
Receive good criticism with an open mind and thank that person for bringing it out.
36. Feeling loneliness
When I was left completely alone, I thought that I would feel lonely for the rest of my life.
I was wrong. Loneliness happens to you when you don’t take responsibility for your own life.
37. Thinking you are victim of your feelings
Your body doesn’t ask you what it should feel at any given moment. It will track your mind and play itself out depending on what kind of energy is going on in there.
Feelings don’t represent anything else but you current view of your life and the world. They sure as hell don’t represent reality.
By focusing on changing your mind and thinking, you can change your feelings to the positive. Stop seeing feelings as something that you can’t do anything about.
38. Being crippled by the unknown
Everyone’s afraid, but the question is, are you embracing it or avoiding it?
39. Letting other people define you
Like with opinions, people define you with the image they have about you in their head. It has very little to do with reality. Either define yourself or just forget such concepts altogether.
If I had to define myself to someone, I’d have to think really hard. I just go on, do my daily things and enjoy my life to the fullest.
40. Avoiding challenges
I understand that sometimes life will feel overwhelming, but that’s just a point of view that you have. Be willing to embrace all the challenges in your life, because that’s where the growth lies.
The most rewarding experiences in my life have been the ones that have challenged me the most.
41. Not becoming the better you
Always express who you are currently, but never settle for it. Use the feedback as an indicator on where you are. Then thrive for better.
42. Drama in your life
People who don’t have their shit together create drama.
You don’t need it.
43. Doing what everyone else does
This is the shortest way to mediocrity.
44. Craving for acceptance
When you come from the frame of mind that you need acceptance of someone else – for whatever reason – it means that you aren’t grounded enough in your own beingness and purpose.
45. Wishing for others to change
A lot of people do things that we don’t want them to do. You can’t change anyone: people have tried to do it to me and I’ve tried to do it to others with no success. With huge effort you may be able to give a small push, but it will never be enough.
The ability to change comes from within.
46. Playing to not to lose
There are times and places to play it safe, especially when you are at risk of financially ruining yourself.
Life’s not a zero-sum game. Play with the intention of putting you and other people in win-win situation.
47. Not saying no
You should value your time, because it’s the greatest, but diminishing asset that you have in this life. Value your time, but always help those who are seriously in need.
48. Ignoring you own body
My sisters husband almost lost his ability to walk just because he didn’t listen to his body. He was certain that his lower-back pain was just temporary, even though he sometimes couldn’t get out of bed.
One night he couldn’t feel his legs and had to be taken to the hospital, where they found that there was a serious condition with his spine that needed immediate surgery. Thankfully, he recovered fully, but it was very close that he would have spent the rest of his life in wheelchair.
49. Misinterpreting reality
People who call themselves “realists”, are 99% of time pessimists in a disguise. Instead of focusing on “reality of the world”, focus on creating your own reality.
50. Settling for less
Why would you do that? Because it feels so hard to thrive for what you want?
Embrace the challenges and find pleasure in being active.
Blaming is a classic case for giving responsibility to someone else: in this case to the person you are blaming. Of course there are things that someone else caused, but they are just playing their own conditioning out: what happened, happened.
The other person usually learns the lesson, depending on the depth of the mistake.
52. Feeling inadequate
You will always be good enough for others, but never for yourself.
By becoming better and better for yourself, you will start to notice how people may start approving of you too. The irony is that at that point it doesn’t really matter.
53. Suppressing expressivity
Become more expressive, even when you are alone. A huge way for me to boost my mood is to sing (and sometimes laugh out loud) whenever I’m alone.
I love to sing aloud while I’m driving and I notice that I always feel a lot better than just being quiet listening to my mind or the radio.
54. Not expecting anything from yourself
No one’s coming to save you. If you don’t expect anything for yourself, you don’t expect anything from life.
55. Trying to do too many things at once
You should definitely diversify your days, but they should also have a main focus that you deal with. In business this would mean that you are trying to run several shitty businesses instead of one good one.
Focus, focus, focus.
56. Being indecisive
Start putting huge amount of focus on being proactive.
Being indecisive is ultimately being reactive to the life. You don’t want that.
57. Focusing on your insecurities
Fun fact: insecurity is in your head, not what you are insecure about. Once you forget the idea of being ashamed of your big nose or something else, they don’t matter.
Wear them with pride, because your other choice is to be self-conscious and suffer.
58. Foggy mind
Foggy mind is a result of not having influences in your life that clear your mind constantly.
Exercise, meditate, focus on doing what you like, gain constantly momentum in your life and be present as much as possible.
59. Thinking that other people have it better/easier
This was one of my core beliefs when I was depressed. I thought that everyone has it somehow magical and they know instinctually what to do.
In reality, other people don’t know shit and in most cases they are even more clueless than you are.
Depending on hope can be extremely harmful. You are being reactive to the life, hoping that some sort event will make your life to the better.
Stop it, it’s useless.
People who play lottery every week are just hoping. They risk minimal amount of money on short-term, but they risk big amount of money on the long-term.
Judging isn’t about other people – it’s about you. It harms you more than anyone else.
I remember when I had these judgemental habits, where I would constantly criticize people in my head. Later I realized that I was too afraid to do anything because I was afraid other people judging me
Do you best and that will be enough (for you, not the world – the world will never get enough)
Trying to force your way through life may result into stress and unhappiness – listen to your body, not your mind. Get rid of negative influences and then fill your reality with positive ones.