Someone asked a question about how to deal with loneliness on reddit and I set out to answer. I figured that I might as well put it here too.
Question: blah blah I feel like I need someone in my life. I’m so lonely.
Loneliness is a state of mind.
The reason why people feel lonely is because they haven’t developed the ability of self-sustained good feeling.
In other words, you are coming from a place of neediness. This state alone makes you unattractive in the eyes of others, because people aren’t looking for someone to make that person happy.
How should I summarize this?
Your feelings are bullshitting you. Your thoughts of loneliness are creating an emotional reaction in your body which makes you needy -> “I feel like I need somebody”.
You “feel like” you need someone, but once you put more focus on making yourself happy you simply forget the concept of loneliness. This may once again “feel” like it isn’t true, but I really can’t make you change your current state of being.
You can only realize it by trying it out.
And guess what then happens? You don’t feel lonely anymore and may actually have a decent chance of attracting a person that makes your already good life better.
I’m mostly speaking about my own experience. I too felt lonely as fuck and I was almost always alone. I was always looking for someone else to fill my cup and that never got me anywhere.
I felt miserable.
At some point I figured that I keep getting what I’ve always gotten if I keep doing what I’ve always done. So I started to try all kinds of thing, playing ukulele, 3D modeling, drawing, blogging, learning languages, jogging, exercising, just to mention a few things. Some things I stuck with and some things I dropped.
At some point I noticed that I had so much that I actually wanted to do. I became so immersed in my life and enjoying it so much that it started to show outside. Happiness is contagious: girls started to show attraction and social interactions got a lot better.
And the best part? I always have the option to go back to my own shit that is proven to make me feel good. Everything else is just a bonus.