Despite having hard time making friends in the past, there was one person that I will always hold in high regard. Not only because he died a few years ago, but because he was genuinely an amazing person.
We were different, we didn’t have any special dynamics between us and for some reason he tried his best to influence me to be a better person.
I appreciated everything, but there was nothing he could do to create a lasting change.
Reason #1: Self-reliance can’t be taught
I always relied on people around me. It’s good to rely on people when it matters, but when done excessively it can be harmful to ones emotional health.
There was an underlying feeling of needing a permission to do anything and I couldn’t even question it.
Solution: A person becomes self-reliant when they have to and when they are determined to be so. In my case the dynamics between me and people around me felt so dysfunctional that I had to make a difference in my own life.
When you learn to take responsibility for your own actions, thoughts and emotions, you’ll start to see world in an entirely different light.
Reason #2: Others can’t change your values
Everyone acts for a reason. Sometimes the reason is stupid as fuck, but it is what it is.
Whether it comes to not being able to quit smoking or anything else, if the value behind the decision isn’t strong enough, the old habit will consume the person sooner or later.
Solution: Almost everyone who I know¬†(including myself) that have made substantial change in their lives have had good reasons to do it. The difference between them and people with similar values is that they’ve taken theirs seriously.
Half-assing it doesn’t work. Either do it or get comfortable with the unbeneficial habits that you have.
Reason #3: Change is a marathon
It’s possible to influence people on short-term and give them a push in the right direction (sprint). Unfortunately that’s rarely enough.
Change never happens instantly: people may act different for a day or two, but as soon as the first burst of motivation ends, the usually fall back to their old habits.
Anyone can run the first couple of miles of marathon, but when things get hard, people with most determination and practice reach the end.
There’s a myth going around that you need 21 days to create a habit, but in reality it depends on so many things, such as:
- Degree of passion
- The frequency of the action
- Applicable knowledge
Sometimes it may take a week or two to form a habit, sometimes several months.
Solution: Become painfully aware that it takes much longer time that a few weeks to include beneficial habits and changes to your life. Keep a journal, write down your goals (Don’t even think about not doing it – it works like magic) and become determined to do it.
You can be influenced, though
Look at every great person.
They can influence the masses. They don’t do it by changing others, but by doing their own thing.
Don’t just listen to what they say – watch what they do daily. That’s infinitely more valuable.
Become a follower, but always keep the ultimate focus on your own life and wellbeingness.