How To Become Emotionally Self-Reliant And Make Yourself Happy

backpacking lone

When I was younger, one of the biggest things that made my life miserable was that I was emotionally dependant on other people.

And I wasn’t even aware of that, until I became older.

To be honest, I didn’t even start thinking about becoming emotionally self-reliant before my old friendships started to fall apart. This was dark time in my life and I’m happy that I’ve come out of it strong.

What does it mean to be self-reliant

  • You generate your own good feelings – I’ve got a couple of friends, but I see them rarely. I’m feeling awesome from day-to-day just because I know how to generate that feeling in me.
  • No one can hurt you emotionally – Sure mean things can hurt anyone to an extent, but what I’m talking here is that people don’t have overly big emotional power over you.
  • You can be happy when alone – Loneliness is something that I don’t feel, even though I spend lots of time alone.
  • You can do anything you want. Ultimate self-reliance means that if you don’t know how to do something, you learn.

1. Get away from bad influences

couple yelling at each other

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”- Jim Rohn

People around you have certain affect on you. For the most part they are not doing it consciously, but rather influencing you by their words and actions.

If you know that someone in your life is influencing you to do something that you don’t think is good for you on long-term, spend less time with that person.

It’s weird how so many spend time around people who make them feel bad just because they are emotionally dependant on them. If you can’t handle that in any other way, you have to make that leap, just like I did.

2. Determine where you are emotionally

Look inside your daily life and monitor your thoughts.

Are you depressed, bored or do you have feelings of inadequacy?

First, I suggest you to head on to my How I Got Rid of Negative Thoughts -manifesto.

I can’t say what will definitely work for you, but what worked for me and thousands of others is to start changing your mind-patterns.

Mind-patterns are the thoughts that are recurring in our minds daily. They contain your beliefs and negative feelings.

At first you’ll have to become aware of them and identify them – they can be in a form of a story, hatred towards someone, basically anything negative that you have in your mind.

Catch it when it arises and observe it. Let it go.

If it persists, stay with it, feel the negativity fully. Never resist a negative feeling, as it will make it stay with you longer.

Read (or rather, listen the audiobook) Eckhart Tolles A New Earth / Power of Now and Anthony De Mellos Awareness to understand this better.

Are you feeling just unsatisfied with your life?

When you are stagnant in your life and not doing much, you will feel unsatisfied.

Decide what you want and commit to make yourself better. Never give up until you have achieved whatever it is that you wish for.

This means that you will have to start hustling.

  1. Have something to thrive towards to – This is how it all started for me. I wanted to achieve financial freedom and started getting active. Then I noticed that I was actually enjoying pushing myself and that’s how I stumbled on improving myself. The goal is still there and I’m going after it, but I’ve found other great things along my journey.
  2. Start motivating yourself – Motivating is an active process. I lose my motivation every time I wake up and I get back to business after gaining some momentum by being active. Watch, listen and read motivating material. I’ve recently fallen in love with Owen Cooks videos – even though I don’t really care about the pickup-stuff, his work ethic and self-development philosophies are very close to my own. Tony Robbins is another great one.
  3. Start waking up early – This one was huge for me. Earlier I’d just sleep irregularly without any kind of self-discipline and I was always disappointed in myself.
  4. Build up your self-discipline – Self-discipline means that you can push yourself to do whatever you have to do. I haven’t written about self-discipline much yet, but Steve Pavlina has with his 6-part series.
  5. Commit to growing and learning – All the happy and successful people I know read a lot. They don’t read just some fiction, but books that are known to improve you. Eleanor Goold has listed 50 Inspirational books, make your pick. Power of Now is also listed.
  6. Never, ever lose your momentum – There are two kind of forces in your life and both work the same way. Let’s call them “momentum” and “stagnancy“. When you have momentum in your life, getting things done feels easy and you will feel like a king. Stagnancy is the opposite: the more you start lazing around and let the momentum die, you will then get into a habit of lazing even more because of that. Everything will feel hard and shitty.
  7. It’s a process – It took me 6-12 months to get rid of my negative thought patterns with spirituality. Growing and developing your life is a never-ending process and it feels great.

We are all different

I was in a very dark place when I had to become completely self-reliant.

We are all in different positions in our lives and not everything will apply to everyone. I recommend you to take what you need and implement to your life as you see fit.

The most important thing is that you feel happy.

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  1. I relate to your situation massively. My longest friendships have crumbled before my eyes and i feel powerless to the changes but this article gives me abit of hope that someone has made the leap from a negative point of view to somewhere prosperous.

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